As Fast as I Can

Getting out of a ticket -- turns out -- not as easy as getting out of a second date. Nor apparently, are cops as easily manipulated as say, the Dow Jones. But when the po-po pulls you over on your way to your next pharmaceutical sales convention, you need to be ready. Here's a Stinson approved practice test.*

Which answer will get you out of a ticket?

1. You pull an illegal U-turn on a two lane road. Freddy Fuzz waddles over and asks for you license and registration.

• A: Apologize and promise to never to it again.
  
• B: You explain you have diplomatic immunity. You're an ambassador from the country of Awesome.
  
• C: Cry
  

2. There's a girl fight happening across town. You're doing 95 on the highway. Carl Copper flashes his lights. You pull over. He asks for license and registration. You:

• A: Explain you're dyslexic. You thought you were going 59.
  
• B: You do your duty as a bro and tell him about the fight.
  
• C: Cry.
  

3. You run a stop sign. Trudy Trooper wants your license and registration. You:

• A: Say you thought that sign was for your heart, because that's what it did when you saw her.
  
• B: Hand them over. With your phone number.
  
• C: Cry
  

Answers:

Question 1:

• A: Ticket
  
• B: Ticket
  
• C: Ticket
  

Question 2:

• A: Ticket
  
• B: He turns on the sirens and you get there just in time to see the girls yank off their tops and roll into a conveniently placed puddle of mud. Then he writes you a ticket.
  
• C: Ticket
  

Question 3:

• A: Ticket
  
• B: Ticket but also a fun night with handcuffs and a lot of "Yes, Officer!"
  
• C: Ticket and she laughs at you.
  

*Please note that if you are a hot chick, you will never get a ticket. If you are borderline hot, (we're talking 4-7 out of 10), crying should do the trick.