Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been extra special good this year, even taking on some of your work load… by stuffing as many stockings as I can. So it’s with great admiration and what I’m sure is mutual respect that I humbly submit to you my Christmas list for this year. And bro, if you have a sec, wake me up -- I’d really like to talk to you about how you sneak out of so many women’s houses undetected. I’m good, but I’m not that good.

Happy Holidays,

Barney Stinson

P.S. I left you a glass of twelve-year-old single malt. Milk? Let’s get serious, bro.

Everybody's Kung-Fu Fighting

Getting in a fight? Lame. Watching someone else fight? Awesome. While some of the great ones have already been settled (Alien v. Predator, Rocky v. Drago, thong v.underwear) others are still too close to call (blonde v. brunette). That being said, here are some great fights I would pay to see. Feel free to rock the vote on what you think the outcome would be. Note: Answer key at the bottom of the page.

(1) Super Lightweight Champion:

Canada v. France

Baguettes meet hockey sticks in a battle of places that feature cold temperatures, funny accents, and weird looking currency. Canada’s slight edge for its proximity to America and for producing Pamela Anderson is immediately nullified by the existence of French-Canadians.

Which is the “better” country: (A) Canada or (B) France?

(2) Middleweight Champion:

One celebrates growing wood, the other celebrates poles.

Who wins the battle of fantastic holidays: (A) Arbor Day or (B) Flag Day?

(3) Heavyweight Championship:

Trebek v. Sajak

This “showdown” recently opened up when undefeated World Champion, Bob Barker retired. Trebek’s knowledge of military warfare and history gives him a slight edge, though if Sajak connects with a right hook, it could be lights out: 25 years of spinning that wheel has turned his hand to iron and if he’s able to channel his silent rage over never taking a run at Vanna White, Sajak could leave Trebek’s face in the form of a question.

Vote in the Game Show Host Match-up: (A) Trebek or (B) Sajak?

(4) The Main Event:

Both events have been staples of debauchery since the bleary-eyed dawn of man. Both attract girls who will do almost anything for a reasonable fee of plastic beads. While Spring Break holds a geographical advantage (celebrated all over the globe), Mardi Gras rocks an impenetrable fortress – not even Mother Nature herself can ruin that party.

Who wins the slap down of debauchery: (A) Mardi Gras or (B) Spring Break?

Answer Key: