I know what you’re thinking. Double dating sounds awesome. You have a brief respite from just hanging out with your partner plus a dude to bro out with while the ladies talk about shopping or shoes or cleaning or whatever it is they talk about. Plus, there is always the possibility that a few too many glasses of wine leads to a three-way with your bro left out in the cold or, at worst, manning the video camera.
The land of make believe is no longer confined to rainy-day attics or treehouse sleepovers. All across this great nation, grown men and women are playing pretend –- imagining themselves as the general managers of professional sports teams. And while that might be good clean fun, I prefer my fantasies to be bad dirty fun. Therefore I proudly present to you my latest and greatest idea: Fantasy Fantasy League.
Last week some friends and I created our own fantasy fantasy draft board. The object was to put together the best possible fantasy by selecting (in any order) a PERSON, PLACE, and SITUATION. After randomly selecting a draft order, I went first…
As with most fantasy leagues, some analysis is necessary. Let’s go over the big winners and losers of this draft:
WINNERS
Barney: Locked up Scarlett Johansson early, then scooped up the Playboy Mansion, when it inexplicably fell to the second round. By closing his draft out with “snowed in,” Stinson created the perfect scenario – Scarlett Johansson surrounded by a bevy of beautiful women who, it’s worth noting, like getting naked. Add in the apocalyptic event of snow blanketing southern California and you have very naked beautiful women preparing for the end of the world with Barney leading the charge toward heaven.
Lily: Solid location pick in the first round after Robin choked and picked possibly the unsexiest place on earth after an intensive care unit (assuming no nurses). Went for value in the later rounds and the diversity of picks opens the door for bonus fantasy entertainment - when she’s done handcuffing her Aussie, they can while away those long hours on the deserted island with a one man performance of Pippin.
LOSERS
Ted: Reached for an environment too early and then added insult to injury by choosing a lame continent. Sure, Paris might be an acceptable pick if this were a Shoe Fantasy league but with locations like “outer space” and “mattress store” still on the board, this bust of a pick may haunt him for years. His second and third picks were total question marks, not even worth mentioning. It was like watching the New York Jets at the NFL draft.
Marshall: Really? You’re going to pick the only woman you’ve ever had sex with for your fantasy? His other picks are all over the map, but at least he knows what he wants.
WILDCARD
Robin: I tuned out after Canada.
